We Humans are Ungrateful Animals....

Humans are ungrateful, unappreciative animals. We have so much that we take for granted, never realizing how good we have it. I thank God every night that I wasn’t born a dung beetle. Can you imagine? You think you hate your job? Quit complaining. You have nothing on the dung beetle. Job fairs for dung beetles must be really disappointing. “Seriously, that’s all you got for me? Why did I bother going to college?” All humans are lucky enough to be born as an animal with infinite options and possibilities. I mean, even Paris Hilton is able to be successful, and certainly her skill set is less impressive than those monkeys that dance to the organ.






Humans, at least those who are smart, begin with a starter house and then as they accumulate more wealth by getting better jobs and getting raises, move on to bigger and fancier houses. Don’t you think the turtle would like to upgrade his home? “No, don’t worry about me. I have everything I need. It has enough room to tuck my head and legs in and, best of all, it’s mobile. If the neighborhood gets bad, you know, like a lot of raccoons move in, then I can just relocate.”






And what about our diets? As humans, we can enjoy eating almost anything, which gives us countless variety. If you don’t think that’s true, check out Anthony Bourdain sometime. People make fun of me for bringing a sandwich to work every day for lunch, but I still get to vary the lunchmeat. Koalas, on the other hand, are pretty much stuck always eating eucalyptus. Isn't that kind of limiting? Don't they get sick of it? I guess that’s a low carb diet, but where do they get their protein? Also, I know I get sick of leftover pizza on the third day. I still remember how sad dinner time always was for my dog. She'd be so excited when we brought her food and then she'd look at it and go," Aw, dog food again!? Come on!" But I guess humans just care about varying food more than most animals. You don't hear fish going, "Nah, I don't feel like seafood today."






Humans are much pickier than other animals. We have specific tastes about what we find attractive. Some men are attracted to Asian women, some are into blondes, some like them skinny and some like them with curves. For other animals, they simply sense pheromones that tell them that a female in the area wants sex and they jump on the first female they see. So basically, it’s like the prom. And if you’ve ever felt bad about waking up next to someone ugy, just be glad you’re not a hyena. Their dating scene must really suck. “Man, all the chicks in the club are ugly, just like last week! Just do yourself a favor, don’t pick up a laughing hyena. Sure, at first it makes you feel good because you think you’re funny, but it gets annoying after a while. And nothing’s worse than being laughed at in bed.”






So next time you’re feeling down, think you don’t have many options, and think that your life is dull, just remember that you were lucky enough to be born a human, rather than those fish that swim around fish tanks eating the algae.